While I was at work I was sizing a 65 year old woman and she started talking about about how much she loves ‘50 Shades of Grey’ and how excited she was for the movie that is coming out. Then she asked if I read it and I responded no. Before I even get another word out she goes on a long rant about how repressed I must be for not reading it. I figured the only reasonable response to that rant was to inform her that maybe she was the one who was repressed if that was the only form of erotica she has read during her lifetime. Which then led to a prolonged awkward silence.

8 notes

I put this picture of myself on my tinder account and my final conclusion is that boys really like sloths.

51 notes

Today a customer yelled at me for asking her if she needed help and threw a fit about how ridiculous customer service is. It is also important to note that I’m getting paid a little bit over minimum wage and some guy on the internet started a kickstarter to make potato salad and he gets over $15,000.

6 notes

Accidentally make eye contact with some guy at the mall. Weird 80’s slow song starts playing on the speakers. He looks at me with a confused look on his face
“Yo, you were that weird girl in my math class in high school right?” He said in a fake Italian accent. He also smelled like a seventh grade boy who just discovered axe.
This sounds like the start of a poorly written romantic comedy.

9 notes

dailydoseofsamantics:

My phone fell on the floor of the bus and while I was going to get it the guy sitting next to me dropped his phone. When I picked both of them up his screen had a picture of a dick on it. I wasn’t going to say anything about it but then he was like “well since you saw it anyways can you tell me if this picture or the other picture is better for me to send to my girlfriend”
What a great way to end the semester.

He also put a caption underneath it that said “wood morning” and asked me if it would be hard for her to understand the joke. I’m so done guys.

29 notes

My phone fell on the floor of the bus and while I was going to get it the guy sitting next to me dropped his phone. When I picked both of them up his screen had a picture of a dick on it. I wasn’t going to say anything about it but then he was like “well since you saw it anyways can you tell me if this picture or the other picture is better for me to send to my girlfriend”
What a great way to end the semester.

29 notes

I was in the elevator today and this girl was loudly complaining about how much she hates the smell of Starbucks coffee. The guy standing next to her ended up getting so annoyed at her he poured the rest of his coffee on her before he got off the elevator.

7 notes

"I don’t have time to do anything," I said while I opened Netflix on a new tab.

Make eye contact with the cute kid sitting across from me on the bus. Maintain eye contact long enough to smile at him. Guy sitting inbetween us is asleep and starts itching his dick. Boy spits out drink and then stares out of the window intensely for the rest of the ride. This is the literal definition of getting cock blocked.

17 notes

Shout out to the guy who was handing out promotional fliers to a strip club and gave me his manager’s phone number after I walked into a pole.

20 notes

One of the bus drivers that I see a lot in the morning decided he was going to start calling me sunshine. I haven’t seen him in a few weeks and he was my bus driver this morning. When I went to show him my ticket he said “it’s been weeks since I’ve seen my sunshine.”
Pretty sure he wins the award for cutest bus driver ever.

22 notes

This girl in my English class obsessively talks about how they might make 50 shades of grey into a movie all semester. This kid walks up to her today with a list of porn websites and said those will be better than the movie. The girl freaks out and tells him that she doesn’t watch porn. There are no words to describe how happy I am that this is the last English class of this semester.

20 notes

Sitting on the back of the bus and the Guy sitting on my left pulls out a Budweiser can and asked me if I wanted any. I said no then the guy sitting on the right side grabs the can out of the guys hand and starts talking about how much he hates Wednesdays. This is wonderful.

10 notes

Lady on the bus thought it was weird I was carrying half a container of yogurt with me. I corrected her and told her it was homemade gesso that was made out of dead rabbit skin glue and she almost threw up. art school for the win.

11 notes

This guy I didn’t know ran up to me this morning and yelled my name and I almost had a heart-attack. Then he said “You’re the eighth Samantha I have found this morning, high-five.”

112 notes